Im having a really bad struggle with confrontation. 

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(Source: silentdeee)

I just read a a prayer that I wrote back in my first semester of college. I almost forgot that I wrote it and Im glad that I kept it. While I read the prayer, I was both amazed at how much I have grown and as well as how much I have stayed the same. Now I know that was only 2 1/2 years ago, but now as Im approaching the end of my junior year, I feel like I have made some growth in that span of time. I was a mess my first semester. Adjusting to being away from home, dealing with the freedom, making silly and unthought of decisions, boys, dealing with less than impressive grades, peer pressure, the usual. Not that I got the game figured out now, I mean Im pretty much dealing with the same shit now, give or take a few items on the list, But I feel that the difference between now and then is confidence. I still have my moments now where my uncertainty of who I am shows in my actions, but Im learning more and more everyday who I am and what I am here for essentially. These past 3 years have made me more sure of what I want to do and academically I have enjoyed. it. Now if only I didnt have to deal with, like…people, Id be fine. but alas, they are still here. Ive spent a good portion of my time here loathing this place, and I think that out of all these experiences, I am starting to appreciate Frostburg. Its has molded me into who I am and I wouldnt have had the same experiences at any other institution. Now maybe my college experience would have been better or worse and the school of my choice, but that wasnt in the cards for me. Im thankful for the people I have met, the things I have learned, and most of all the motivation and determination to build a stronger relationship with God. I dont know if that would have happened anywhere else but it has happened here. My struggles have not gotten any easier since Fall 2009, I am 10x more confident that I will get through it no matter what it takes to accomplish it. Thats just basically how I get through it.

(Source: silentdeee)

// You ever have one of those days…//

where your normal routine doesnt go as smoothly but its not necessarily considered a shitty day, however it makes you want to stay inside and away from the public? Yea, Its one of those days.

(Source: silentdeee)

…I wanna go home.

(Source: silentdeee)

// Honestly…//

I am the only person to my knowledge that would completely break down into a panic attack because of school work.

I’m tired. Overwhelmed. Frustrated. Upset. Discouraged. Burnt out. Unmotivated. Exhausted. Drowning.

All I want to do is complete my work to the absolute best of my abilities, in a timely fashion. 

I take my education seriously and it hurts that I feel I cant measure up to my own expectations. Talk is cheap, eh?

(Source: silentdeee)

So Im moved in, since about noon today.

Id say Im about 60% unpacked? Yeah that sounds about right.

Im completely baffled that it was so easy for my to get my internet working on my computer.

Usually, the average student (who knows what they’re doing) has to set aside a couple hours to successfully get internet. And for students like me, who never really know wtf to do or just give up, usually hand their laptops to the oh-so helpful help desk to do it for them, which leaves them w/o internet for like a day or two. No me gusta.

So my room is a tad smaller than the one I was placed last year, which was down the hall. I hope I can negotiate w/my roommate for a agreed way to rearrange the room. I need floor space. 

Im hungry, and I have no food. 

Oh and like the dunce that I am, I forgot my ethernet cord and had to borrow a tiny one from a friend so I am going to make my way over to the book store to buy my 4th ethernet cord.

Glad I have a good set of friends close this year as many of my other close friends begin their senior year. I have to face the reality they are gonna be twice as busy and I wont see them nearly as much but, I love them just the same and I hope they excel in this home stretch of their undergraduate career.

-end rant-

(Source: silentdeee)

// All my favorites are 21 or about to turn 21 in a few weeks.//

Mean while, Im still 19.

I mean, damn. Im not a drinker, I mean technically its not legal for me to be anyway but dammmmn. 

I cant emm go out to a bar on the weekends to chill and pay for an over price class of wine or a shot of something nice with my girls. 

*le sigh* I saw this coming. and a good half of my friends were already 21/22 anyway but now its like everyone. =/

IDK, I guess I’ll just herp derp it up in my dorm room on the weekends.

Damn Im lame. I still live in dorms. Girl, you are a junior. It aint cute to pay for an over priced mouse trap! 

But junior year is still gonna be awesome. Dont let this post fool you.

-end irrelevant rant-

(Source: silentdeee)

// Musings//

• Lately I havent been much with words, despite the fact that I am not much of a talker in general. I just dont feel like talking anymore.
• Summer legit felt like 3 weeks though. I cant believe Im actually packing up to head back up to school in less than a week…
• Even though I havent felt pretty lately, I have been making a better effort to look better. It cheers me up.
• I finally found a bowler hat at H&M today! Now I want more!
• So I have been strongly considering dying my hair a light brown (spiced amber to be specific) in the front. I think its kinda cute to have the strip of hair in the front dyed, but not looking stupid like Wiz Khalifa. OMG I hope it doesnt turn out like that. I will cry. Shit. So much pressure. O__O But I really want to do it. I know its just hair, but I want to get it right the first time.

         Im so nervous you guise. *breathes into a paper bag*

• In case you all havent figured it out, Criminal Minds is my shit at the moment. Do you think I can watch all 6 seasons in time for the season 7 premiere? …Challenge accepted.
• Last nights True Blood episode? Cray. Is what that shit is.
• This year I am going to attempt to do more OOTD’s. A personal project of mines….
• A couple things I am looking forward to when I do go back to the Burg are: 1) Going to the potluck dinner hosted by Jazmine and Mel and seeing all my faves; 2)Getting my JUNIOR YEAR OF COLLEGE STARTED. I seriously cant believe Im in my junior year of college! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa? 3) Getting more divulged in my academics. I dont plan on getting any lower than a 3.5 for the rest of my time there. #TeamDeansList and 4) Having SWI grow more this semester. We have so much planned for this school year. We have so much potential.
• Zunes > Ipods

(Source: silentdeee)

Nice Weather = Skipping class

…and happening to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and practically running into my professor right after when class was dismissed. 

Why cant I do bad things and not suffer the consequences?

*le sigh*

(Source: silentdeee)